just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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