the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
