my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
