I'm going to jail i love you
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
