Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize