You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
