He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love having hate sex.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
