as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
