When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
