At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
