were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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