On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize