i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
