its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Everclear isn't food dammit
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
