call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
