Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
