Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
