A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize