he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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