I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You are the jesus of drinking
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
