just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
