I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
