i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize