so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
