How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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