Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
