I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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