So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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