My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
