Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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