I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
