I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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