she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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