Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
