she smelled like a LAN party
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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