we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
COCAINE IS GR8
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize