Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
