Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
