why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
