dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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