Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
