I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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