I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize