I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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