i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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