i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am naked and annoyed.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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