i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
