i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
