I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
