She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
