Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
