Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
