Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How's work?
Spinning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize