shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
