make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it was like eating out sand paper
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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