last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the day after is always just damage control
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
