Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
