so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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