I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
