Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
