when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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