R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
