Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
