Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
