I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
