when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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