Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
